奇异恩典（二）：A Western Christian Learns True Repentance 一个西方基督徒经历真正的悔改

I’m Alan Jarvis. I’ve been joining the service for 7 months. 我叫Alan Jarvis，在这里聚会7个月了。

Today I stand here to tell how God, over the past 7 months, has changed the life of a 20 year old Western Christian. 今天我在这里想见证神在过去7个月里，怎样改变了一个信主二十年的西方基督徒。Let me say, it hasn’t been easy or comfortable at times but God is good and gracious and merciful to those who turn to Him. 这改变并不是容易的，有时也令人不舒服，但神是良善、恩慈，对转向祂的人充满怜悯。

It started when God bought Kayla into my life and from our very first date，and potentially last date这些事情最早可以从神把Kayla带进我的生活开始，那时我们第一次约会，也有可能是最后一次，I was challenged about my behaviours, my faith and several things happened总之我自己的行为、信仰和接下来发生的一些事情都受到了挑战。

1.     That night after meeting Kayla for the first time, 和Kayla相遇的第一个晚上，When I went back home thinking about what Kayla had testified to me about her journey with Jesus 在回家路上我脑子里想着Kayla自己经历耶稣的过程，and how Jesus was awakening her 耶稣怎么样苏醒了她的心，through the truth of repentance that she was taught in the ministry of this church, 借着她在这个教会教导的悔改的真理。 I cried out to God acknowledging my behaviour over the last few years, 于是我呼求神，向祂承认我过去几年的所作所为，which have been difficult虽然并不容易，anger and disappointment at God, leading to anxiousness heightened by Covid承认我对神的愤怒和失望，以致于因新冠而加剧的焦虑，Inappropriate relationship with a woman that was deeply disappointed about, 承认我和一位女性不恰当的亲密关系，对此我深感失望。

2.     Through this, I prayed a confession prayer and opened my heart to God 然后，我做了一个认罪的祷告，向神敞开我的心，allowing him to touch my heart and start His work允许祂触摸我的心，求祂动工。

3.     I shared this with Kayla, and her heart was touched which resulted in me getting a second chance, 后来我和Kayla分享我的经过，她被感动了, 这让我得到下一个约会的机会，otherwise she was going to consign me to the scrap heap. 要不然她就要把我丢到一边去了。

4.     So, as promised to Kayla, I came and met her Pastor at OTBC, Jane which started the real journey towards God之后我照着答应Kayla的，来到OTBC见到了她的牧师Jane。这样，我开始了真正转向神的过程。

So I came to this Church, Think it was 24th of July 2022应该是2022年7月24日，我来到这个教会。

Back in those days, I was anxious and Worried heightened by Covid, worried and anxious about finances, frustrated about broken relationships在此之前，我本来已经很焦虑，再因新冠而加剧，我担忧财务问题，又被破碎关系所困扰；to the point I bought a blood pressure machine to monitor my blood pressure, 甚至我买了一只血压计来监测自己的血压，as was experiencing high blood pressure, experiencing blood pulsing up to my head and more headaches我有过高血压、经历过血涌上大脑和多次头痛。

And I had been dealing with a disease called Crohns , that I was diagnosed with way back in June 2004. 我曾经一直患有克罗恩症，早在2004年6月确诊，and had controlled for almost 20 years through diet, by eating certified organic food, foods with no preservatives, pesticides, herbicides二十年来一直控制饮食，只能吃认证过的有机食物，没有防腐剂、杀虫药、除草剂等等。 What is Crohns you may ask. 你可能想问克罗恩症是一种什么病，It is a type of inflammatory bowel disease (IBD), where the body attacks itself它是一种炎性肠病（IBD），会导致身体攻击自身系统，and puts up a wall in the stomach lining which makes it harder for the little bit of nutrients I was getting from my food to get through阻隔胃黏膜吸收食物中的营养物质，resulting in me always lacking energy, feeling tired and even blood when going to toilet.导致我身体没有足够的能量，总是感到疲劳，甚至便血。

I was frustrated and anxious about the Business I was doing that felt stagnant 让我焦虑困扰的还有公司生意停滞不前。Initially I saw the Business as Gods and tried to honour Him, except did not understand the need to seek His will in the decision making process, 刚开始的时候我视这公司出于神，也想为荣耀神而行，只是我不知道决策的时候需要寻求神的心意，resulting in employing Senior staff member without seeking Gods guidance and let them help run God’s business, 导致在聘请高管的事上没有神的带领，让他们管理神的公司，turning to them instead of God, 倚靠了他们而不是倚靠神，and becoming seduced by chasing money instead of obeying God before I came here. 在我来这教会前, 就被引诱去追求赚钱，而不是顺服神。

So the consequence of this, was a Business that was under financial pressure and personally being under financial pressure, 其结果是公司面临沉重的财务压力，也给我个人带来沉重的财务压力，resulting in me making the decision to have a Boarder at Home 这种情况下我做了个决定分租自己的房子给一个租客住，who wasn’t a believer and started to take over the house with his stuff, 结果这不信主的人用自己的东西占据了我的房子，who brought darkness into the house that now realise was suppressing me他也把黑暗带进来，现在我意识到当时我是被这黑暗压制了.

In those days, I was feeling spiritually weak and feeling far away from God, frustrated, angry, disappointed那段日子里，我感到灵里软弱，离神非常远，沮丧，愤怒，失望无助。But Praise God, this all led me to dealing with lust, fear, worry, anxiety and grudges later on.但感谢神，这些患难不久后促使我处理自己的情欲、惧怕、忧虑、焦虑和怨恨的罪。

As soon as I came to OTBC 2 pm service, something wonderful happened我一来OTBC下午2点钟的聚会，奇妙的事情就发生了。I remember how I started to encounter God through the services, 我记得我是怎么样开始在这个聚会中经历了神，the power of the Holy Spirit, 圣灵的能力临到我，and through Jane’s preaching the message to surrender to God, 借着Jane的讲道如何顺服神，which helped us to acknowledge our sinfulness, 她的道让我们承认我们充满了罪，the need for Repentance, 需要向神悔改，and the spiritual battle being waged. 还认识到属灵的争战。

In the 20 years of being a Christian attending a big church and Home Group,我 做基督徒的二十年，一直在基督城的大教会聚会，也参加家庭团契；and prior to that growing up in a Christian home, going to Pentecostal church with my parents since I was a kid, 在此之前，我生长于一个基督徒家庭，还是孩子的时候就和父母一起去五旬节教会，to going to a Christian School Middleton Grange, 然后去基督徒学校Middleton Grange上学，so have strong biblical knowledge, in all those years listening to different sermons, 我圣经知识知道很多，过去听过各种不同的讲道I never experience such messages as that at OTBC 2pm service. 但从未听过OTBC下午2点聚会那样的道。And I hadn’t experienced the Holy Spirit for a long time so powerfully, I was shaking, crying我很久没有经历圣灵那样大有能力地临到，我全身发抖、流着眼泪，but also feeling God’s love and forgiveness and acceptance同时也感受到神的大爱、赦免和接纳。

Slowly God through Jane revealed the power of Repentance神借着Jane逐渐启示给我悔改的大能。

Before I tried to do things on my own, 以前，我是靠着自己做事，listening to lies of society and family and friends whose words weren’t leading to ending up doing God’s will. 我受社会上的、家人和朋友的谎言所影响，这些谎言是不会把人引向遵从神的旨意的。

It started when Jane spent time with us explaining Repentance, 一切是从Jane花费时间向我们讲解悔改的道开始，and leading me in a prayer of Repentance of all the grudges, anger, bitterness held against my Parents and Brother, 她带着我做了一个对父母和哥哥的怀怨、恼怒、苦毒悔改的祷告，then I started to experience peace where there had been anxiety, worry and fear existed. 随即我就感受到了平安，以往的焦虑、忧虑、惧怕一扫而空。How?   怎样祷告？By acknowledging first that I was a sinner, I wasn’t perfect. 首先承认自己是罪人，我不完美，Then acknowledging the hurts, I realised that the hurts were related to my original family, where I got hurt from my parents and brother’s words and behaviours. 然后承认自己所受的伤痛，我明白了我的伤痛和原生家庭有关，我因父母和哥哥的所言所行受到过伤害。

For instant, 举个例子，whenever my Mum told my Dad off with a loud voice, it caused me fear. 每次妈妈大声斥责爸爸，我心里就害怕。I realised that one thing affected my emotions a lot. 我意识到有一件事情深深影响到自己的情绪，As a teenage boy, when I couldn’t find a sock, my Mum yelled at me, and she was going to send me to boarding school.十几岁的时候，有一次因找不到袜子，妈妈大声吼我， 还打算送我去寄宿学校，The feeling of rejection and abandonment seized me since then. 自此之后，那种被拒绝和抛弃的伤害就一直跟着我。During the deliverance prayer, firstly, I was told to acknowledge these feelings and offering them to God, 在那次医治释放的祷告里， Jane教我首先要承认自己的感受，并带到神面前，and then to acknowledge that like me, my Mum was also a sinner just as I was承认妈妈和我一样是罪人But like me, she also accepted by Jesus just as I was and loved by Him, just as I was, and now I am called to accept her just as Christ accepts me and love her just as Christ loves me但她也和我一样，被耶稣接纳，蒙神所爱，现在我蒙召去接纳她、爱她，如同基督爱我，and that calls for me to repent of the grudges, bitterness, anger I held against her and forgive her也蒙召为自己对她的怨恨、苦毒和愤怒悔改并饶恕她。The bible says, if I forgive, our Father in heaven will forgive me. 圣经说，我若饶恕他人，天父也饶恕我。

But it wasn’t just a one off prayer. 但事情不是光祷告就完了。

First, I was led in those kinds of prayers by Jane，when I didn’t know how to pray a deliverance prayer through repentance and forgiveness. 首先，当我不知道怎么借着悔改和饶恕做医治释放的祷告时候，Jane带我做了几次那样的祷告。Then I prayed many times for the Lord to continue to reveal areas I needed to repent of and forgive my Parents. 接着我多次祷告求神继续启示需要饶恕父母的地方。For Eph 6:2-3 says, “Honor your father and mother—which is the first commandment with a promise – that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.” 因以弗所书6:2-3说，要孝敬父母，使你得福，在世长寿。这是第一条带应许的诫命。

I used to honour my parents with outward actions, like taking mum on a trip to Europe.以前我用外在行为孝顺父母，比如我会带妈妈去欧洲旅行But God looks at our hearts. 但神看我们的内心，God wants to deal with our unforgiveness we hold against our parents, which causes us to try to distance ourselves from them as much as possible. 祂要处理我们内心对父母的不饶恕，这些不饶恕导致我们想离开父母越远越好。

Forgiveness is a journey. I kept praying to forgive my mum饶恕是个过程。我一直不断祷告饶恕妈妈，until after introducing my Parents to Kayla at the Raspberry Café in October, that I finally truly forgave my Mum from the heart,  直到去年十月份的时候，在Raspberry 咖啡馆我把我父母介绍和Kayla见面，我终于打心底里饶恕了妈妈，recognising she was a sinner and accepting her just as she was “a sinner” , like me认识到她是个罪人，也接纳她罪人的本相，和我一样。How did I know forgiven?   我是怎样知道我饶恕她了呢？peace in my heart 因心里有平安，and when meeting with Parents or Brother, no longer any sense of fear, anger, bitterness当我再和父母、兄弟见面时，我不再感到惧怕、愤怒、苦毒。and as I prayed for my Parents and learnt to pray before talking with them or going to see them, I started to notice my relationship with them change,我为父母祷告，学到了在和他们交谈或见面前祷告预备，渐渐地我发现和他们的关系改变了。where before I would go around and end up in heated discussion with my Brother, about messy state he leaving Parents house in, causing Mum to become upset and making me leave angry, bitter and frustrated以前我去看他们，每次都会和我哥哥闹得面红耳赤，我指责他把父母的家搞得一团糟，这让妈妈很难过，我自己离开时也满肚子气，又苦毒又沮丧；I started to learn to deny myself and leave room for God to judge, and stop the heated discussions,后来我开始学习否定自己，留下让神审判的余地，不再激烈地争论，which resulted me in more peace我就得着更多平安。however, this not easy and requires constant prayer and keeping God’s commands in my heart但这些并不容易，需要持续祷告，并心里遵行神的命令。

When we really want more of Jesus to rule in our lives, when we start to surrender to God, 我们若真心想让耶稣更多在生命中掌权，我们若想开始学习服从神，God will do more purifying work in our lives, 神就会做更多洁净我们的工作，coz He wants his temple pure, he wants a closer relationship with us,因祂愿意自己的殿清洁，祂愿意和我们有更亲密的关系，but He is holy, we need to be holy when we was continually seeking a good relationship with Jesus.. 但祂是圣洁的，当我们不断寻求和耶稣建立好关系时，我们也要圣洁。

Then through Jane, God revealed to me the need to deal with the previous relationships and the ties I was holding onto接着神借着Jane向我启示，我需要处理我和别人之前的关系和纽带， that allowed a doorway for Satan to attack me and that was a stumbling block for future relationship with God and with Kayla这些为撒旦开了门，也成为我将来与神、与Kayla建立好关系的绊脚石。So I started to learn about Soul-ties所以我学到了“不敬虔的魂结”这回事，which I initially thought was nonsense , how could an object or a photo cause any issues, and why should I get rid of them!!!一开始我觉得这是无稽之谈，一件物品或者相片能造成什么问题， 为什么要我清掉它们！！！I checked from google and I asked some people, the answer I got was just what they agreed, 我用Google核实过也跟其他人打听过，他们给我的回答也是一样：it was nonsense纯属无稽之谈。

God is faithful. He knows my heart. 神是信实的，祂知道我的心。He knows that my disbelief wasn’t out of disobedience but out of ignorance of His words. 祂知道我的不信不是因为悖逆， 而是对神的话的无知。Joshua 7:12, God says,  Therefore the people of Israel cannot stand before their enemies. 约书亚记7:12，因此，以色列人在仇敌面前站立不住。They turn their backs before their enemies, because they have become devoted for destruction. 他们在仇敌面前转背逃跑，是因成了被咒诅的 I will be with you no more, unless you destroy the devoted things from among you.你们若不把当灭的物从你们中间除掉，我就不再与你们同在了。God hated any devoted things we treasure at home. things that devoted to false gods, or to lustful relationships.神恨恶我们家中的当灭之物， 就是那些与假神或情欲关系有关的物品。

Then I started to dream of my past wife and girlfriend, out of nowhere these images from the past and sexual desires started to appear不久之后我开始梦到我的前妻和前女友，一些过去的情景和情欲的景象不知道从哪儿冒出来。 and I asked Jane about this and she explained that was due to having Soul-ties, which equated to spiritual ties to that person and allowed a doorway for Satan to attack我问Jane怎么回事，Jane向我解释是因为不敬虔的魂结，把我和那个人属灵上联在一起，打开门让撒旦进来攻击。 so I started to take soul-ties more seriously and embarked on a journey of deleting all the photos from past relationships 因此我开始认真看待不敬虔的魂结这回事，并开始着手删除与旧关系有关的所有相片，Giving away or selling past items from Jug, kitchen knives, to my Bed, bedding, sofa, fridge, washing machine捐掉或者卖掉过去的从水壶、厨房刀具、到睡床、床上用品、沙发、冰箱、洗衣机，And as doing this praying and surrendering to God, breaking all the ties and repenting我边整理边祷告，服从神，破除一切联结，同时悔改。was quite nervous to start with then as prayed felt the peace of the Holy Spirit开始的时候我很紧张，随后越祷告越感到圣灵里的平安。The dreams stopped. Kayla said I stopped talking about my past 那些梦消失了，Kayla也说我不再提过去的事了。

And started to realise that through repentance and forgiveness of Family and removing soul-ties,anxiety and worry disappearing, not as fearful, although as stronghold this still a work in progress我开始发现，借着悔改和饶恕家人，除去不敬虔的魂结，尽管破除坚固营垒仍要继续，我不再忧虑焦虑，不再那么惧怕了。my high blood pressure has gone! 我的高血压消失了！In the past, there were often inexplicable pains, like back pain, shoulder pain, now have gone! 过去我常有莫名其妙的痛症，一会儿背痛，一会儿肩膀痛，现在都消失了！

One day, after being ministered at Jane’s home, Raymond cooked a simple meal, which was just normal food not organic food. 有一天，Jane在家里带我祷告释放完， Raymond煮了一顿便餐，用的是普通食材，不是有机的。 Jane asked me, “Do you have faith to try?” Jane问我“你有信心试试吗？”Then she suggested to leave it in God’s hand. 她建议我交托给神。 How? 怎么交托？She prayed, Psalm 103 says, “God forgives us all our sins and heal us all our disease.” 她祷告：“诗篇103:3，他赦免你的一切罪孽，医治你的一切疾病。If today Alan’s prayer of repentance and forgiveness satisfied God’s heart, may God show evidence to Alan that he could start to take normal food without suffering any bad symptoms. 如果今天Alan的悔改和饶恕祷告达到神面前，求神赐给Alan凭据，让他能吃正常的食物而不会有不良反应。” Praise the Lord, I didn’t have any symptoms the next day.感谢主，我第二天没有任何不适的反应。

With Kayla, started eating normal foods and my body coped so God healing the Crohns我和Kayla开始吃正常食物，我的身体适应了，神医治了我的克罗恩症。but how to keep the healing with me? We’re still learning to fear God shun evil.  但是，怎样可以持续得医治呢？我们仍要学习敬畏神恨恶邪恶。

Then I noticed positive changes in my Business：suddenly new opportunities for additional work started appearing我发现公司生意也出现好转，突然间，一些新的客户需求出现了。In just the last couple of weeks a Team noted the strong start to 2023 and said keep praying to that God of yours两周前，有个同事发现2023年一开始业务就出现迅猛增长，就说：“你要继续祷告你的神”,so I have experienced God’s goodness and mercy 我经历了神的良善和怜悯，when we come to God in Repentance and forgiveness turning to Him in all things and being obedient, He is a faithful God，merciful and gracious当我们悔改、饶恕并转向神，凡事顺服神，神是信实的，充满怜悯和恩慈。

What I have learnt is this requires our daily attention, 我学到的功课是这需要我们每天操练， asking God to search our Hearts for anything need to repent of 我们需要每天求神鉴察我们的内心，是否有需要悔改的地方； I have learnt It about being obedient to God, practicing daily repentance and prayer allowing God to change us and through this change bring us peace and allow others to see the difference. Soften their hearts我学到顺服神，持续操练每天的悔改祷告，让神来更新我们，借着更新让我们得着平安，并让他人看到我们的改变，柔软他们的心。

Through Repentance acknowledged my need to die to self/strongholds of fear, lust, bitterness, grudges hold against others, nail them to the cross借着悔改，承认自己需要向己死，向惧怕、情欲、苦毒、怨恨他人的坚固营垒死，将它们钉上十字架。

I have also learnt the importance of turning to God in all situations, through prayer, big and small我还学到在一切事上转向神何等重要，事无大小都祷告给神。Most definitely in my relationship with Kayla through to praying before making a phone call to Parents or a Client, or sending a Client an email Or walking into a Shop or staying at a motel/Hotel 从和Kayla的关系，这毫无疑问，到给父母或客户打电话，或给客户发邮件，或者逛一家商店，或者住酒店等等。

I tell you story showing power of prayer, turning to God before doing something and consequences when I didn’t turn my heart to God but stuck in anger and judgment. 我要分享一件事证明做事之前祷告有多重要，和不转向神的果子除了怒气和论断没有别的。At the end of last year, I organised a Team event for my staff to celebrate the year, as I had done many times in the past.去年年底，我给员工组织了一场年终活动，这种活动我办过很多次。This time we did mini golf at iMax centre opposite Bus exchange in CHCH. 这次我们选在基督城公交站对面的iMax中心玩迷你高尔夫球。 I was running late as had dinner at Thursday night Bible group. 我因为在周四查经小组吃完饭，赶过去已经很晚了。iMax Venue had lots of people, and loud secular music and alcohol. iMax的场所里人潮涌涌， 播放着吵闹的流行音乐，还有人们喝酒。I didn’t have any alcohol, but after all I wanted to win the mini Golf, 我一点儿酒也没喝，毕竟我想的是赢迷你高尔夫， then from the very first hole, I was counting the strokes of me and the Team. 我就从第一洞开始，认真地数着我和同事的杆数。

I found one Team member cheated!!!! 居然有个同事在作弊！  I got angry and judged her in my heart. 我非常生气，心里开始论断她。After finishing I started walking back to Raymond and Jane’s place to pick up Kayla，but something wasn’t right, I felt like I was drunk and couldn’t walk in straight line, and was weaving all over the place!!!结束后我走回Raymond和Jane家里接Kayla，但奇怪了，我好像喝醉了一样走不了直线，迂回着来到他们家！Then realised I hadn’t prayed, I judged my Team member and as a consequence I was being attacked by demons.我想起来我没有祷告，我论断了同事，就被魔鬼攻击了。 I told Kayla and Jane what had happened and Jane asked if I wanted to pray. 我告诉Kayla和Jane发生的事，Jane就问我要不要祷告。 So she lead me in a prayer and helped me to repent and rebuked the unclean powers to leave from me.她带着我祷告悔改，斥责邪灵离开。 Praise the Lord By the power of the Blood of Jesus He cleansed and released me感谢赞美主，借着主耶稣的宝血，祂洁净释放了我， But only because I turned to Him and repented. 但这是因为我悔改并转向祂。 I learnt, better to pray beforehand than have to repent and forgive afterwards!!! 我学到的功课是宁可事前祷告，好过事后悔改祈求赦免。

This has not been an easy journey， but God is good when we truly humble and pour out our hearts before Him上面说的经历并不容易。但当我们真正谦卑，全心倾倒在神面前，神是良善的。

So I have gone from a 20 year old Western Christian anxious, worried, bitter, angry and disappointed at God, with Crohns Disease, filled with lust 现在，我从一个信主二十年、焦虑、忧虑、苦毒、愤怒、对神失望的洋人基督徒，从一个患有克罗恩症、脑子里装满情欲的人， to someone who is learning power of repentance, prayer and being obedient to God变成了一个学习悔改、祷告、顺服神的人。 experience God’s healing and forgiveness, experience God’s blessing in personal live and Business我经历了神的医治和赦免，经历了神对我个人生活和公司生意的祝福。as He teaches me how to be an overcomer enter into Sonship with Him and becoming a more Christ like follower of Him ，grow into the image of Christ祂教导我成为承受儿子名份的得胜者，成为更像祂的跟随者，并成长为基督的样式 the journey is underway and we give God all the praise and glory for He is good and gracious and merciful God! 这个过程还将继续下去，愿颂赞荣耀都归于良善、恩慈、充满怜悯的神！

见证人： Alan弟兄